his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
