Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
