I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
