I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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