I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize