Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
