made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
