I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
