Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
