im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
