I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
