Swine flu is the new snow day.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
