life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
