I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
third nipple confirmed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
