did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
