Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
