Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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