your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
