Too much gin, very little bucket
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
