We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize