I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
