I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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