You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
