so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
