i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
