i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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