see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
now i know why i became what i already was.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
