Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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