So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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