Jerry, you need to find god
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
