Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize