Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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