I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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