i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
