god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
