He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize