Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
