"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize