On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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