I think my fart just growled at me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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