I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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