remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
