i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
