"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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