kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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