I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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