I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
