I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
