Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
