He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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