Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
