Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
