Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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