dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
