Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just found puke in my bra..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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