its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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