Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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