ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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