Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
