I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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