I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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