just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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