jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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