How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
