if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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