I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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