Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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