Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
