Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
