I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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