I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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