why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
